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Letter From MY Perfect Weight Loss Client


Letter from MY perfect weight loss client:










Dear Lori/Minky,


O.K. no Bullshit about the weight loss. I’ve been down this road before, not my first rodeo, didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, etc. and all of those old sayings about “been there, done that” before. 



I have been on at least 15 diets. Some lasting months, others weeks and many often just a week or two. I know how to lose weight. 



But as I have gotten older (over 40), trying to lose the pounds that I always regain, is getting tougher and tougher.



I can’t zip my favorite pants anymore. And the times when I can, they are so tight, the waistband pinches me and I can’t breathe.



I’ve got this bulging in my lower stomach that I want to get rid of too. I’ve considered surgery. Do you know a good plastic surgeon?



I want more energy. I am tired of telling people, automatically, that I am too tired to do anything or go anywhere. I barely even walk my dog. 🙁 



People have stopped calling me and including me in any get-together or events. Because they know I won’t show.



I know this sounds like I’m suffering from a little depression. Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m just sad. I’m sad because I feel that I can do this “weight loss thing” for good, but I need to do what’s best for me. And there is so much out there that no one really hears me. Who gets me?



No one. Well, that’s how I feel.



I know there are many experts out there, like dietitians, nutritionists and fitness trainers, but I can’t stick to their cookie-cutter programs.



They tell me I can never have rice or pancakes again and ask me about my “fitness goals”!
“I don’t have fitness goals, I just want to lose this!” [while grabbing a love handle]



And please don’t tell me I just need to deep breathe and stretch or to find “balance”. When I find “it”… wait, what am I actually balancing anyway?



URGH!! This makes me so angry!



O.K. how about “private help” – big money needed for that or I need to buy wild salmon at $17.99 a pound. Even though I am married, I feel like a single mother because my husband is gone a lot working, he works days and I work nights and neither of us makes a lot of money to support our 3 kids. How can I justify buying a red pepper for $4.99, or a red and orange pepper for $8.99 when I can buy almost 3 happy meals at McDonald’s and fill up my kids who are famished after school. (I know this is NOT good. But the moment overwhelms me.)


Sometimes I just want to be with my dog, who doesn’t judge me, is fat like me and is very content with eating small snacks during the day and/or 2 meals, also going for walks.



The Gym – When I do decide to workout, it’s never feels right for me for very long. I’ve joined and left 5 gyms in under 2 years, so I do like to exercise, when I can. I just can’t stick to it. Often I get bored.
So, I then try something more lively than the treadmill or standard group exercise classes and then I get hurt. (NOT interested in jumping on 20 inch boxes {plyometrics} or cross-fit) Doing “harder” workouts and having the trainer/instructor scream out what to do next, isn’t for me (O.K. maybe one class or two). Some of the trainers are way too serious and intense! (I just like to look at them, usually nice bods).
But, I need to pay attention to what I’m doing ‘cause I’m scared and don’t want to hurt myself more than I did two weeks ago. It takes me twice as long to heal.



I can’t afford to get hurt and be out of work. Maybe you can.


I’m considering lifting my fat dog in my next workout plan. Exercise is exercise, right?


When making an attempt to zip my pants again (diet & exercise), I often say to myself, “This is fine now, eating and exercising like this, but how long can I really keep this up? No really, how long can I avoid potatoes, birthday cake and wine. How long can I keep up exercising at 5 am… in the winter months?”


I just did a 30-day Facebook fitness challenge as best as I could. It was good but after 7 days, it was all I could do was count down the days for when the challenge was over, then what? I didn’t even lose that much weight. (But I did it!… yay!, I think.)  



Why do I lose and regain that same 15-20 lbs. over the year. But each year, it gets harder and harder to lose anything. Why do I just want to sit down all the time? Why can’t I stop eating? I refuse to give into “It’s age”.


I’ve watched my pug get fatter over the years. I know I should do something.



I need someone to tell me, “Stop feeding the pug table food every hour or with me – Yeah sure hormones are involved, but it’s also the booze bitch! You’ve got to stop drinking.”



O.K., maybe that’s a little harsh. But that’s what I need.



If it’s the alcohol tell me. Then tell me what to do instead.



Tell me what I can do this weekend.



I know that age has its limitations, but I’m not ready to give up the weight loss battle yet! Help!!!



I’ve resisted the notion of taking pills for weight loss, appetite suppression and fat burners. Because I don’t want to be jittery or addicted. But if there was just one pill that I could find that would just “help” or “assist” me with my cravings, in the most subtle way… I admit I would try it. That’s what my problem is, my hormonal cravings and lack of time to prepare my meals. Oh, The pill has to be something I take after I eat, not before. ‘Cause I will always forget to take it “30 minutes before”. When I think of a pill it’s always after I eat.  




If only someone could help me create my own “Private Idaho”* plan of a way to eat and place to exercise and be with my pug.
An eating pattern that fits my wacky cycles of eating “healthy” and “not so healthy” foods. Working out hard some days, weeks and then taking it easy with exercise on other months. When I work out it’s all about comfort (environment for my dog too, not the workout) and doing what I said I was going to do. Then I look forward to going to that “Private Idaho” even if it’s for only 15 minutes.



Hell, I just want to “zip my pants again” (Even if my pug stays fat, as long as he is active, I’m happy).

But if I could lose up to 30 lbs. and keep the weight cycling between 6-7 lbs. throughout the year, I would be even happier and could wear my favorite clothes again, have more energy and look younger too. (I love the compliments I get when I have lost weight and people know I am at least moving with my fat pug)



There are so many other things to worry about and use my energy towards, it would be great to NOT have to worry about my weight as I age.



Well, thanks for listening Minky, 



I appreciate it,

Zelda Zipmypants



*Definition of private Idaho

private Idaho – noun

one’s daydreams and the internal landscape they inhabit.


(Zelda Zipmypants is a full-time working person, over 40 y.o., who likes to exercise and is somewhat health-conscious, but likes to play hard sometimes (drinking and high-calorie foods) too. She has a fat pug and it is her “BABY”.


There isn’t much time or money to do complicated, specialty programs. Like her fat pug, she is aware that she is putting on weight easier and has lost a lot of energy to enjoy things that she used to. Her weight fluctuates throughout the year and she can only zip her favorite jeans after weeks of starvation dieting and excessive exercise, only to put the weight back on again and then some.


She believes in supplements to help support her when having a craving, but doesn’t want to take a lot of pills or for the rest of her life. She’s at about the 24 lb. overweight mark and doesn’t want to get any heavier. Here’s what I wrote her back…)




Dr. Ms. Zipmypants

Or can I call you Zelda?

I ask all folk I communicate with this, “Do you consider yourself a “foodie”? (Just curious)

O.K., let me get right to the point.

Yes, it seems like you need to do something consistently. Including regularly walking your fat pug!

Some may start you with an 3-day a week exercise routine or a shake detox… I say, let’s start with the booze… 

Unfortunately for “social drinkers over 40”, if you want to zip your pants again, you must refrain from the booze. Alcohol is a nervous system depressant. It slows everything down, including a fat-burning metabolism and also increases belly fat.  The liver gets sluggish and makes detoxing harder. (After 40, everything else starts shifting and slowing down naturally, don’t give into slowing down by drinking for most days.) 

Zelda, can you go without drinking for a weekend?

Start there.

Think about it this way. I am not asking you to do something.

I’m asking you to stop doing something.

Cool, right?

Just for 2 days.

You know the weekend is when most people “chill”, try to “wind down”, “kick back”, etc….

Will people notice that you won’t be drinking?

If it’s no, that’s good.  Don’t tell them.

Just be normal and do whatever you do (without alcohol).

If you announce it, even to one person, everything changes in the environment. People start watching you and asking questions. It’s becomes like a sabotage… but they don’t intentionally do it. It’s habit.

(People habitually will try to stop you from achieving any real noticeable weight loss.)

Then you start to feel self-conscious and after all, dammit, you worked hard all week and you deserve a glass of wine! (No argument here)

But this is not about what you deserve, this is about zipping your pants again, so for a weekend, I need you to make a silent choice. (This is between you and those pants you want to zip up, no one else)


Now I’m not saying that you’ll never drink again. You probably will. I never like to say “never”. Hell, I drink. Well, o.k., I’ll let you in on something… I’m drinking right now. But it all works for me. 1 drink after a small dinner on a Sunday evening.

I want you to be able to eat and drink what you want and be at the weight that you want too. But first, you need some short term wins (STW). Not drinking alcohol for a weekend (Sat. & Sun.), is a STW for you. I know you can do it. Try it.


Another STW would be to identify when you’re the hungriest. What and who are around you when you feel like grabbing anything to eat. What time is it? Pick a day or two to observe this. Don’t “diet”, just observe and make note. Use the “memo” on your phone to write shit down, like a list.



You can get more STW tips and lower body trimming hacks and living the CCRAN Lifestyle (Calorie Cycling & Restriction Adequate Nutrition) by listening in every Monday to 3 Fat Pugs 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation, Mondays, 8:30pm EST.  (Starting August 22nd) 


Even though, it’s a Sloppy Unfocused Mess (S.U.M.), we’re (Minky & Cuzin Sherri) still proud of our 50 years of combined tricks, foolishness and awesomeness we’ve experienced, maintaining and losing up to 30 lbs., yet having fat pugs. Having fat pugs remind us what not to do as humans. My cuzin Sherri gives her input on her “no meat” diet and CCRAN principles that she follows and she contributes to the sloppy unfocused mess, and the unpredictability of the show conversations that we have.


Oh, I should have asked this earlier, can you afford plastic surgery, Zelda? But not $17.99 a lb. wild salmon? If so, then why are you wasting time with me? Check into that surgery, I know a doc… geez!

Haven’t you heard the saying that “Exercise is a poor man’s/woman’s plastic surgery”? 

Oh, if you would like some support during those times of your cravings, I know, it is best to not have the craving at all, but in case you do… we have a secret weapon. A satiety agent. I was only on it for a month because I don’t have a problem with getting full or stopping eating. For example, I had:

  • french fries (fried in beef tallow)
  • 2 Jersey plum tomatoes (gotta have a little salt on ’em)
  • Ensure (gotta be cold) and
  • a glass of wine

for dinner.

I’m not a “Foodie”.

But I do and can appreciate great food/dishes. (See some great dish pics at www.ccranny.me) I just don’t eat a lot of the food/dish. I left some of each of those foods. Rarely do I clean my plate. I also eat a lot of left overs. So the secret weapon I used was for only one month and I lost 7 pounds. I didn’t need it after that. You may not need it at all or you can inquire about it later.



See, that’s what happens when I drink and respond to people in August. … I write more than I should. (BTW, there’s a heatwave here at the Jersey Shore and area) 


Well Ms. Zelda Zipmypants, thanks for writing and I hope this helps you some. It should get you started on a STW  (Short Term Win) and the zipping of your favorite pants again. Please call our “S.U.M.” weight loss show and listen in for more fun and tips. 

Best wishes, 


P.S.  When you do drink, Pinot Noir is supposedly the best red wine for you, health wise. (4 oz. a day) 😉

Also, did you know?

  • You don’t have to exercise to lose weight.
  • If you are 45-55 y.o. and female, this is a very challenging time to lose weight. But it’s not impossible.
  • Also, you MUST individualize your eating and exercise rituals.
  • Being on certain medications fight your efforts to lose weight.
  • Certain exercising makes you hungrier
  • Men who lose inches in their belly, gain inches some where else.
  • Previous injury limits your success subconsciously. 
  • What is the best exercise for weight loss (not what you think)   
  • Hear all of this and hear more like it on…

The Sis & Bro 30lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation“, Mondays, 8:30pm EST.