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The Unprofessional.me

The Unprofessional.me

I’ve been called a lot of things while working in the career I chose for the past (?) years.  I often wonder, “Why am I even on Linked-In anymore?”

I can’t help myself and wonder, “Why?”

 

 

 

Haven’t you heard about the lap top / lifestyle entrepreneur bed bug, called “Illdoanythingtonotgotothisdamnjobtoday” parasite.

 

 

 

It (the parasitic bug) comes out and bites you at night and sucks the mundane life out of you, while sleeping (but not soundly because of your stressful work) & you’re on the verge of night terrors right before the alarm goes off. You know in your heart that you really can’t stand what you’re currently doing and you have to stop or your actions are going end you up in court or worse.

 

 

Well anyway, the bug bit me. Now that I have this “I need to be free” condition, it has consumed me. My mundane, zombie-like life must end. I’m alive and free to be myself. AND – So, I authentically can’t be on Linked-In. I simply am not “professional” in this emergent state of personal freedom.
(So, is there really a point in writing in how many years I’ve worked in an industry? No one really cares. As soon as you hear or read, “I’ve been a ______ for 15, 20, 30 years”, you know it’s going to be something boring coming next or something with so much professional jargon, you wonder how it is relevant to you.

Too bad, ’cause now that I’m older, I feel that my years of work and life don’t matter either to my 18-25 y.o. students. They surely don’t get many of my stories/jokes any more. They think I’m crazy ’cause I laugh at my own jokes. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I value myself and respect other people for valuing their self.)

 

 

 

 

So now, finally, I am going to listen to people who repeatedly said things over the years to let me know.

 

Then, it also hit me, finally, I realized I was wrong in thinking it was them who were f*cked up, then I realized, Hey, it’s really me. It’s NOT them. Damn.

Here are some comments made to me over the years:

  1. “Nice smile”
  2. “You said… you do what?”
  3. “That’s so unprofessional”
  4. “That’s disturbing”
  5. “You don’t know how to talk to people”
  6. “You’re too funny (and bad), you’re in the wrong profession!”
  7. “You should get out before you kill somebody”
  8. “If you want ‘personal freedom’ why are you working here and doing this?”
  9. “How did you get that job?!”

 

Besides the “nice smile” comments, many people knew that I didn’t belong in that profession. Especially those folks I worked with directly. Should I apologize for my lack of professionalism because I was in the wrong profession?

 

 

O.K. I’m sorry. Well, not really…

 

 

I remember watching a late, late night comedy special called, “Comics Unleashed” with host, Byron Allen one night and a comic on the show was asked a question by the host.

 

 

Byron Allen:  So (I forget the comic’s name), I hear you used to be a nurse. Why did you stop nursing and become a comedian?
Comedian:  I guess I stopped caring about my patients.  (There was laughter…)

 

 

When I heard that, I immediately had a rush of warmth through my veins and I perked up and said, “That’s me! That’s exactly how I feel!”  I wanted to kiss this man/comedian through the t.v. I thought… he did it, why can’t I?

 

========================

 

I can listen to this You Tube video and piece from HBO with Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Louis CK, and Ricky Gervais, again and again. But that would be it. 2 or 3 times is enough. Clearly though in my very busy life, if I have time to watch this hour piece 3 times it’s better than good!

Here it is, if you want to “get” me…

 

I feel so at home with these men. I am not offended in the least. I miss Joan Rivers. She was never offended, really.

 

Anyway my phone friendly landing page is below, there’s more info there and easier to read to…

 

I can: www.nobodyslistening.wtf   (Visit to see what’s up now!)

 

============================

 

Back to my story…

 

Why can’t I just stop doing what I don’t like and do what I originally did right out of college 30 years ago. That’s right I did stand-up comedy in the 1980’s.
No political correctness. No guilt. No shame. Just laughs and of course, hecklers.

 

Today my jokes from the 80’s won’t work so good. But I notice I still make people laugh or they get offended. In comedy, that’s not so bad. My humor and jokes/stories definitely work best for older folks and those people who have opinions and aren’t afraid to express them. People who have “a set” and have lived a little. I often will use self-deprecating humor too, to show I’m fucked-up like most people represented in my jokes.

Growacet, for those easily offended or can't take a joke, unprofessional.me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am getting out and moving on. I’m looking forward to going back to my original love… comedy. Doing it and writing it. And making a change.

 

 

This time around however, I am seated at the mic; not standing. So I created a heretical, comical persona, Minky, and call myself a sit down comedian.
A heretic is one with an unorthodox opinion.

Some of Minky’s heretical opinions:

  • I am a proud UN-hyphenated American & support Libertarian values
  • Candy ruins your appetite. Exactly!
  • Don’t exercise to lose weight (DE2LW) (Exercise for any other reason, except that!)
  • Show me how to lose weight in my world; not yours.
  • With relationships, start out how you want to end up. (Another way of saying, “don’t start something you can’t finish”)
  • I LOVE the game of football. (No, not just a fan of a particular team, a winning team, or the “Super Bowl”, but I know & love the actual game. All levels – Pee wee, High School, College, etc. Will you watch any football game during “Game of Thrones”? How about during “The Bachelor”? or do you follow the NFL & ESPN on Twitter? Right… that’s what I thought) Other ladies who love the game, know what I mean!
  • My motto, “The only thing low-fat in my kitchen is ME!”
  • You’re NOT a “Jeep kind of a gal”, if you can’t drive a stick shift.
  • Kids are germ magnets. (I don’t like kids)
  • I LOVE licorice! Red & Black.
  • Balance, “life balance” is bunk. Counter-balancing is what we do best.
  • I yearn for “Personal Freedom“. It has to be in everything I do… Including the diet I choose to eat and the exercise I choose to do. (My personal freedom diet is called, the Hunger PangPang Diet. Get yours!)
  • No apologies when not necessary.
  • Nobody cares that you’ve worked somewhere 30 years. Getting old and  being experienced is NOT valued by others, so value yourself. Don’t rely on others for value. Today if you have lots of “likes” and “followers”, yet don’t know your ass from your mouth, some people feel validated. (flea market mentality, I get it though)
  • Know yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself.
  • There are no healthy people. Just people trying to get healthier.
  • I can’t stand it when folks want diversity; yet at the same time, they want “sameness” and not to be seen as different.
  • There is a time to be serious; but most times not.
  • Do need to exercise to build your thighs. (If you want thunder thighs. Thunder Thighs look good on some people, like “the Rock”, a young Arnold Schwarzenegger, even Serena Williams. But not on me.)
  • No exercise on Mondays.
  • Everybody judges. Yes – even you. So get over it. As soon as you say, “I don’t judge.” I know that you most certainly do. If it makes you feel any better, call it “discernment”. It’s normal. It’s human nature. It’s self-preservation. If you want to quote the Bible, do me a favor and quote the whole “judgement quote”, not just the first part that makes you feel “holier” than thou.
  • Regardless of their political views – I LOVE the Jerry Springer show, Snoop Dogg, Ice-T, Ice Cube, Lady GaGa, Martha Stewart & Vanna White
  • Transferring job skills don’t always work. Just because you can get someone to get out of bed after surgery (in your comfort zone), does NOT mean you can sell a coaching program for $497 over the phone or in person over someone’s kitchen table (not in your comfort zone) It’s again all about you and how you feel about your ability to share your passion and make an offer. Selling takes practice, rejection, risk and more practice.
  • “Incongruency” (not being aligned with who you are and your beliefs) stresses you more than you will ever know.
  • Can’t burn fat on your ass, when you have food in your stomach.
  • You have to enjoy laughing. Or you can’t be around me.
  • People eat too fucking much.
  • You can instantly improve you face… smile. (fake it if necessary)
  • “I have an ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. I’m NOT indifferent, on the contrary, I am comfortable with being different. ‘Shrugging your shoulders’ is indifferent. Staring failure in the face and showing it your middle finger back at it is saying, ‘I don’t give a fuck!’. Is being different.”**
  • I love Pilates because of how it makes me feel. If you want to learn beginning Pilates exercises, I’ll help you. For free. (that’s heretical)
  • Many times I like dogs better than people. They are loyal and sincere. And they don’t care that you blame them for farting.
  • Even though I don’t like kids, laughing babies are hilarious to me!
  • And in the spirit of TRUE HERESY…
    I am Black AND I support Trump. I’ve always liked Donald Trump. Here at the Jersey Shore (NYC tv Stations), Donald Trump has always been in the news. No surprises here. Let the reality show begin.

 

More on MINKY, my persona CLICK HERE

 

If these opinions make me “unprofessional” then that’s what I am, I guess.  Like I asked early in this post, “Why am I still on Linked-In?” I purposely will NOT post this piece on that “professional” site. So if it makes it’s way there, it wasn’t by me, the author. Hey Linked-In/Social Media police … You can’t control Social Media!

Here’s some of my heretical articles I keep and refer to often:

 

I’m an UNprofessional and proud of it!

www.nobodyslistening.wtf

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The Nobody’s Listening Show starts Monday, January 9th, 2017, at 8:30pm EST. My first co-host is Nat, The exercise expert.

Call in and eavesdrop at:

(425) 440-5100; code: 529861#

See ALL NLS Recordings under Blogroll. 

I hope you’ll eavesdrop on us!

 

 

 

Minky

Pug sees the world thru rose colored glasses

Do you see the world through “rose-colored” glasses?

pug rose colored glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pugs have the life. Well, my pug, Pang Pang, does anyway. His life is rosey colored. Everything is great. When things aren’t that great, he sees them better than they really are. He’s optimistic and sometimes delusional in his happiness. Little things make him happy. Like me coming home. Me taking him to the dog beach. Me rubbing his belly. Me inviting him to be in my lap… for hours. Me feeding him liver with his dog food and vanilla ice cream for late yummy snack. Me taking him for a ride to visit other pugs and dogs or visiting folks in the nursing home. He’s got 5 beds and the room he is in is always temperature controlled because of his breathing problems.

Pang Pang LOVES everybody.

Yet, Pang Pang, which means “fat” in Chinese has done something incredible, He’s lost almost 5 lbs. (Which is a lot of weight for a “small” dog.) Even when it got challenging, he kept the “rosey-colored” outlook. He was never nasty, but I’ll admit, sometimes he cried for food that he smelled.

You know when you don’t stuff your face all the time, the aromas of all kinds food is amazing. You can smell every spice.

 

How did PangPang, a little butterball, lose the weight? He only ate when he was truly hungry. We both followed the same “no eating” philosophy. We called our plan, “Hunger Pang Pang”. We don’t eat until we get hunger pangs. We also went for walks, down on the boardwalk when we were both on empty stomachs.

Hunger PangPang diet, lose up to 30 lbs., fat pugs

 

What about you? Do you see life through a soft-colored filter or do you see it clearly and rather harshly?

 

I used to say to my day dreaming students, “Oh you see the world through ‘rose-colored glasses'”.

Now, I not only still say that… I say it with a purpose and promote the saying.

Why the change?

Well, I’ve gotten older… that’s all.

I reminisce and fantasize on the regular. Every thing seems easier to tolerate when you put on the rose-colored glasses and act like a happy pug, even weight loss.

 

Pesticidian or Pescatarian

Welcome!

 

Here’s the replay/download on the web:

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=89705037

Fun banter about being a pesticidian or pescatarian or an omnivore and fat pugs too.

 

 

We couldn’t remember the name of people who eat a lot of fish and vegetables. Now we know it’s a PESCATARIAN – not a Pesticidian. Here’s our fun conversation about the two:

Enjoy!

 

Do you feel that your life is a sloppy, unfocused mess? Do you have grown children or no children and your fat pug/dog is your child now? Want to take control over your weight for good?!

 

Please listen in on Mondays. 8:30pm EST.

(425) 440-5100, code: 529861#

 

 

Minky

 

3 Fat Pugs’ Diet Plans (Recording)

Since my fav Cuzin Sherri has filled in for my “Bro” (who bailed on me because he met a woman!), it’s been a wild, yet fun ride. We call our show a S.U.M. (Sloppy, Unfocused Mess) Production and we changed the name from “The Sis and Bro 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show” to the “3 Fat Pugs 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation”.

Below is our 3rd recording of the new show. We’re getting better, believe it or not!

There’s more on every Monday evening at 8:30pm EST!
1(425) 440-5100; code: 529861#

Number 1 CCRAN Principle (3 fat pugs) Be a Rule Breaker!

I’m a rule breaker.

Are you?

One of the first principles of CCRAN is to be a Rule Breaker.

Just because some one says to do something, some one who doesn’t think like you or knows what you know, would you automatically, without question, listen and follow their advice? Is the advice accepted and followed by a majority?

Do you sometimes push the envelope? Like our fat pugs do?
They will do anything to plop and relax. They eat liver and only “sprint” for short distances. Everyone else, the dog experts, tells their owners (us-of the fat pugs) the “rules of lean dogs” and also remind us about the “no dogs signs”.

Some “rules” that we (owners of fat pugs and the fat pugs themselves) break:

  • The last rib on a dog should be showing – my response, “Is your last rib showing?”
  • During the summer season, your dogs have to “plop” on this side of the signs – my response, “Pugs can’t see so good.”
  • Don’t feed your dog from the table – my response, “Of course not. My pug sits at the table, in a chair, alright?”

We find that people who tend to “break some rules” in society, also don’t follow the rules of the standard advice on diet and exercise. And you’re just more fun to be around. Sound like you?

 

Pugs are rule breakers:

rulebreakerpug2

 

rulebreaker-nodogsap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And more evidence of rule breaking:

 

 

 

This video (below) is a relaxing day in September, no signs no rule breaking. See how easy it is to NOT break the rules!!! Don’t have the signs:

 

 

Here’s a delightful time…

For more of the CCRAN principles (the other 8) CLICK HERE!

Don’t forget to listen in on the:

For this “Rule Breaker” Episode on the web, 9/26/16 – click below:

http://iTeleseminar.com/89705037

3 FAT Pugs 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation.
Monday nights @ 8:30pm EST
Call in and listen in from your phone too:
(425) 440-5100; code: 529861#

fatpugsIT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy!!!

3 Fat Pugs Practice Audios

Below is our latest episode of 3 Fat Pug’s 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation. I thinks it’s better than the first one. All last minute fill ins and shifts:

Below is our first practice episode of  3 Fat Pugs:

It’s a S.U.M. (Sloppy, Unfocused Mess) Production.

 

3 Fat Pugs and Hot Dogs

Hot dogs and FAT Pugs.

Does your fat pug like hot dogs? Or do they eat hot dogs because you do?

Let me first tell you that a hot dog is a FAT. Not the healthiest fat, but we love them!

There are still some people out there who think that hot dogs are a protein.

Let me ask you this:

If you were going to a desert island for an extended amount of time with water. What food would you pack if you could only choose one food and survive:

~Oatmeal
~Spinach
~Chocolate
~Hot dogs
~Bean sprouts

Answer:  Hot dogs
Why? Because you NEED fat to survive in that situation above. All of the other foods wouldn’t sustain you.

I think hot dogs get a bad rap.

Our pugs love hot dogs once or twice a month…

for survival, of course.

Also one of our rule breakers is that you (the owner of a fat pug) must wait 3 hours after rising to eat something. A small protein (hard boiled egg) or fat snack (half a hot dog, no bun) is acceptable at one and a half hours, if you must eat something.

Listen to our further discussion on hot dogs and acceptable fats on our “3 FAT Pugs 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show” Officially starts Monday, 9/12/16, 8:30pm EST

Just call:

1(425) 440-5100; code 529861#

and listen in!

 

 

Letter From MY Perfect Weight Loss Client

 

Letter from MY perfect weight loss client:

 

 

fatpugsIT

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Lori/Minky,

 

O.K. no Bullshit about the weight loss. I’ve been down this road before, not my first rodeo, didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, etc. and all of those old sayings about “been there, done that” before. 

 

 

I have been on at least 15 diets. Some lasting months, others weeks and many often just a week or two. I know how to lose weight. 

 

 

But as I have gotten older (over 40), trying to lose the pounds that I always regain, is getting tougher and tougher.

 

 

I can’t zip my favorite pants anymore. And the times when I can, they are so tight, the waistband pinches me and I can’t breathe.

 

 

I’ve got this bulging in my lower stomach that I want to get rid of too. I’ve considered surgery. Do you know a good plastic surgeon?

 

 

I want more energy. I am tired of telling people, automatically, that I am too tired to do anything or go anywhere. I barely even walk my dog. 🙁 

 

 

People have stopped calling me and including me in any get-together or events. Because they know I won’t show.

 

 

I know this sounds like I’m suffering from a little depression. Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m just sad. I’m sad because I feel that I can do this “weight loss thing” for good, but I need to do what’s best for me. And there is so much out there that no one really hears me. Who gets me?

 

 

No one. Well, that’s how I feel.

 

 

I know there are many experts out there, like dietitians, nutritionists and fitness trainers, but I can’t stick to their cookie-cutter programs.

 

 

They tell me I can never have rice or pancakes again and ask me about my “fitness goals”!
“I don’t have fitness goals, I just want to lose this!” [while grabbing a love handle]

 

 

And please don’t tell me I just need to deep breathe and stretch or to find “balance”. When I find “it”… wait, what am I actually balancing anyway?

 

 

URGH!! This makes me so angry!

 

 

O.K. how about “private help” – big money needed for that or I need to buy wild salmon at $17.99 a pound. Even though I am married, I feel like a single mother because my husband is gone a lot working, he works days and I work nights and neither of us makes a lot of money to support our 3 kids. How can I justify buying a red pepper for $4.99, or a red and orange pepper for $8.99 when I can buy almost 3 happy meals at McDonald’s and fill up my kids who are famished after school. (I know this is NOT good. But the moment overwhelms me.)

 

Sometimes I just want to be with my dog, who doesn’t judge me, is fat like me and is very content with eating small snacks during the day and/or 2 meals, also going for walks.

 

 

The Gym – When I do decide to workout, it’s never feels right for me for very long. I’ve joined and left 5 gyms in under 2 years, so I do like to exercise, when I can. I just can’t stick to it. Often I get bored.
So, I then try something more lively than the treadmill or standard group exercise classes and then I get hurt. (NOT interested in jumping on 20 inch boxes {plyometrics} or cross-fit) Doing “harder” workouts and having the trainer/instructor scream out what to do next, isn’t for me (O.K. maybe one class or two). Some of the trainers are way too serious and intense! (I just like to look at them, usually nice bods).
But, I need to pay attention to what I’m doing ‘cause I’m scared and don’t want to hurt myself more than I did two weeks ago. It takes me twice as long to heal.

 

 

I can’t afford to get hurt and be out of work. Maybe you can.

 

I’m considering lifting my fat dog in my next workout plan. Exercise is exercise, right?

 

When making an attempt to zip my pants again (diet & exercise), I often say to myself, “This is fine now, eating and exercising like this, but how long can I really keep this up? No really, how long can I avoid potatoes, birthday cake and wine. How long can I keep up exercising at 5 am… in the winter months?”

 

I just did a 30-day Facebook fitness challenge as best as I could. It was good but after 7 days, it was all I could do was count down the days for when the challenge was over, then what? I didn’t even lose that much weight. (But I did it!… yay!, I think.)  

 

 

Why do I lose and regain that same 15-20 lbs. over the year. But each year, it gets harder and harder to lose anything. Why do I just want to sit down all the time? Why can’t I stop eating? I refuse to give into “It’s age”.

 

I’ve watched my pug get fatter over the years. I know I should do something.

 

 

I need someone to tell me, “Stop feeding the pug table food every hour or with me – Yeah sure hormones are involved, but it’s also the booze bitch! You’ve got to stop drinking.”

 

 

O.K., maybe that’s a little harsh. But that’s what I need.

 

 

If it’s the alcohol tell me. Then tell me what to do instead.

 

 

Tell me what I can do this weekend.

 

 

I know that age has its limitations, but I’m not ready to give up the weight loss battle yet! Help!!!

 

 

I’ve resisted the notion of taking pills for weight loss, appetite suppression and fat burners. Because I don’t want to be jittery or addicted. But if there was just one pill that I could find that would just “help” or “assist” me with my cravings, in the most subtle way… I admit I would try it. That’s what my problem is, my hormonal cravings and lack of time to prepare my meals. Oh, The pill has to be something I take after I eat, not before. ‘Cause I will always forget to take it “30 minutes before”. When I think of a pill it’s always after I eat.  

 

 

 

If only someone could help me create my own “Private Idaho”* plan of a way to eat and place to exercise and be with my pug.
An eating pattern that fits my wacky cycles of eating “healthy” and “not so healthy” foods. Working out hard some days, weeks and then taking it easy with exercise on other months. When I work out it’s all about comfort (environment for my dog too, not the workout) and doing what I said I was going to do. Then I look forward to going to that “Private Idaho” even if it’s for only 15 minutes.

 

 

Hell, I just want to “zip my pants again” (Even if my pug stays fat, as long as he is active, I’m happy).

But if I could lose up to 30 lbs. and keep the weight cycling between 6-7 lbs. throughout the year, I would be even happier and could wear my favorite clothes again, have more energy and look younger too. (I love the compliments I get when I have lost weight and people know I am at least moving with my fat pug)

 

 

There are so many other things to worry about and use my energy towards, it would be great to NOT have to worry about my weight as I age.

 

 

Well, thanks for listening Minky, 

 

 

I appreciate it,

Zelda Zipmypants

 

 

*Definition of private Idaho

private Idaho – noun

one’s daydreams and the internal landscape they inhabit.

===============

(Zelda Zipmypants is a full-time working person, over 40 y.o., who likes to exercise and is somewhat health-conscious, but likes to play hard sometimes (drinking and high-calorie foods) too. She has a fat pug and it is her “BABY”.

 

There isn’t much time or money to do complicated, specialty programs. Like her fat pug, she is aware that she is putting on weight easier and has lost a lot of energy to enjoy things that she used to. Her weight fluctuates throughout the year and she can only zip her favorite jeans after weeks of starvation dieting and excessive exercise, only to put the weight back on again and then some.

 

She believes in supplements to help support her when having a craving, but doesn’t want to take a lot of pills or for the rest of her life. She’s at about the 24 lb. overweight mark and doesn’t want to get any heavier. Here’s what I wrote her back…)

 

 

 

Dr. Ms. Zipmypants

Or can I call you Zelda?

I ask all folk I communicate with this, “Do you consider yourself a “foodie”? (Just curious)

O.K., let me get right to the point.

Yes, it seems like you need to do something consistently. Including regularly walking your fat pug!

Some may start you with an 3-day a week exercise routine or a shake detox… I say, let’s start with the booze… 

Unfortunately for “social drinkers over 40”, if you want to zip your pants again, you must refrain from the booze. Alcohol is a nervous system depressant. It slows everything down, including a fat-burning metabolism and also increases belly fat.  The liver gets sluggish and makes detoxing harder. (After 40, everything else starts shifting and slowing down naturally, don’t give into slowing down by drinking for most days.) 

Zelda, can you go without drinking for a weekend?

Start there.

Think about it this way. I am not asking you to do something.

I’m asking you to stop doing something.

Cool, right?

Just for 2 days.

You know the weekend is when most people “chill”, try to “wind down”, “kick back”, etc….

Will people notice that you won’t be drinking?

If it’s no, that’s good.  Don’t tell them.

Just be normal and do whatever you do (without alcohol).

If you announce it, even to one person, everything changes in the environment. People start watching you and asking questions. It’s becomes like a sabotage… but they don’t intentionally do it. It’s habit.

(People habitually will try to stop you from achieving any real noticeable weight loss.)

Then you start to feel self-conscious and after all, dammit, you worked hard all week and you deserve a glass of wine! (No argument here)

But this is not about what you deserve, this is about zipping your pants again, so for a weekend, I need you to make a silent choice. (This is between you and those pants you want to zip up, no one else)

 

Now I’m not saying that you’ll never drink again. You probably will. I never like to say “never”. Hell, I drink. Well, o.k., I’ll let you in on something… I’m drinking right now. But it all works for me. 1 drink after a small dinner on a Sunday evening.

I want you to be able to eat and drink what you want and be at the weight that you want too. But first, you need some short term wins (STW). Not drinking alcohol for a weekend (Sat. & Sun.), is a STW for you. I know you can do it. Try it.

 

Another STW would be to identify when you’re the hungriest. What and who are around you when you feel like grabbing anything to eat. What time is it? Pick a day or two to observe this. Don’t “diet”, just observe and make note. Use the “memo” on your phone to write shit down, like a list.

 

 

You can get more STW tips and lower body trimming hacks and living the CCRAN Lifestyle (Calorie Cycling & Restriction Adequate Nutrition) by listening in every Monday to 3 Fat Pugs 30 Lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation, Mondays, 8:30pm EST.  (Starting August 22nd) 

 

Even though, it’s a Sloppy Unfocused Mess (S.U.M.), we’re (Minky & Cuzin Sherri) still proud of our 50 years of combined tricks, foolishness and awesomeness we’ve experienced, maintaining and losing up to 30 lbs., yet having fat pugs. Having fat pugs remind us what not to do as humans. My cuzin Sherri gives her input on her “no meat” diet and CCRAN principles that she follows and she contributes to the sloppy unfocused mess, and the unpredictability of the show conversations that we have.

 

Oh, I should have asked this earlier, can you afford plastic surgery, Zelda? But not $17.99 a lb. wild salmon? If so, then why are you wasting time with me? Check into that surgery, I know a doc… geez!

Haven’t you heard the saying that “Exercise is a poor man’s/woman’s plastic surgery”? 

Oh, if you would like some support during those times of your cravings, I know, it is best to not have the craving at all, but in case you do… we have a secret weapon. A satiety agent. I was only on it for a month because I don’t have a problem with getting full or stopping eating. For example, I had:

  • french fries (fried in beef tallow)
  • 2 Jersey plum tomatoes (gotta have a little salt on ’em)
  • Ensure (gotta be cold) and
  • a glass of wine

for dinner.

I’m not a “Foodie”.

But I do and can appreciate great food/dishes. (See some great dish pics at www.ccranny.me) I just don’t eat a lot of the food/dish. I left some of each of those foods. Rarely do I clean my plate. I also eat a lot of left overs. So the secret weapon I used was for only one month and I lost 7 pounds. I didn’t need it after that. You may not need it at all or you can inquire about it later.

 

 

See, that’s what happens when I drink and respond to people in August. … I write more than I should. (BTW, there’s a heatwave here at the Jersey Shore and area) 

 

Well Ms. Zelda Zipmypants, thanks for writing and I hope this helps you some. It should get you started on a STW  (Short Term Win) and the zipping of your favorite pants again. Please call our “S.U.M.” weight loss show and listen in for more fun and tips. 

Best wishes, 

Minky

P.S.  When you do drink, Pinot Noir is supposedly the best red wine for you, health wise. (4 oz. a day) 😉

Also, did you know?

  • You don’t have to exercise to lose weight.
  • If you are 45-55 y.o. and female, this is a very challenging time to lose weight. But it’s not impossible.
  • Also, you MUST individualize your eating and exercise rituals.
  • Being on certain medications fight your efforts to lose weight.
  • Certain exercising makes you hungrier
  • Men who lose inches in their belly, gain inches some where else.
  • Previous injury limits your success subconsciously. 
  • What is the best exercise for weight loss (not what you think)   
  • Hear all of this and hear more like it on…

The Sis & Bro 30lb. Weight Loss Show Conversation“, Mondays, 8:30pm EST.

Step Your Way to Thunder Thighs

Step Your Way to Thunder Thighs – 

(Warning! If your knees are bigger than your thighs OR you love your big thighs as they are or want bigger thighs –
I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU.)

 

But if you want thinner thighs, you want to trim down your thighs… then read on…

 

This subject matter is just one of many topics my Bro and I discuss on our new show.

 

 

Sis.BroConversation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day many years ago, I was working as an ‘Elite Personal Trainer’ (seriously that was my title), at an exclusive high end club, people paid $150-$300 a month for membership, when I noticed a middle-aged woman on a new machine we had.

 

The machine, I forgot the name of it, mimicked the leg motion of what a speed skater (ice) would do.

 

I was at the PT desk (right next to this machine), doing some paper work and I noticed the woman breathing heavy and going hard. She was on that machine for about 35 minutes.

 

I couldn’t help but to keep raising my head looking up at her as she worked out.

 

As she got off the machine, she walked passed me, then stopped. She turned and asked me, “I noticed that you kept looking up at me. Was I doing that machine/exercise wrong?”

 

“No. You were doing it right.” I replied. “But, may I ask why you’re on that machine any way?” (I knew why, but I wanted to hear it from her)

 

“Well”, she said rather matter-of-factly, “As you can see I have a tendency to have big thighs and I’m trying to trim them down. That machine works the thighs doesn’t it, ’cause that’s where I felt it!”

 

“Yes that machine definitely works the thighs. It mimics the motions of a speed skater on the ice. But I just have a couple questions for you. 1) Have you seen the Winter Olympics, with speed skater Bonnie Blair, who won a medal?”

 

“Yes. I love the Olympics!”, she said.

 

“And 2) Did you noticed how big her thighs were and are today?”

 

Her mouth fell open…

 

It was then she realized that she not only was eating more, therefore taking in too many calories, she was essentially making her big thighs bigger in the process. She realized now, why her clothes were getting tighter not looser. Her trainer told her not to worry about the scale since she was putting on muscle.  Well, her trainer was right about that!

 

You can see where I’m going with this…

 

I have been saying for years, if you are someone who has a tendency to build big thighs and ass, and you want to LOSE some weight or TRIM DOWN those thighs, my question to you is,

“Why are you doing repeated thigh bulking, step aerobics, spinning, plyometrics, squat jumps onto boxes (maybe cross fit) and repeated lunges and squatting (deep) and pulsing?… All in the same week?”

 

Yes, spot reducing is a fallacy… but spot building is possible! I see women, who desperately want to trim down their thighs, do WAY too much hip and knee flexion/extension for what they want their body to look like. (And don’t get me started when I see these women using the “adductor machine” with weights.)

 

If you told the trainer that you want to trim down your thighs and this trainer takes you to this adductor machine, especially in your “complimentary” training session, never hire them. Send me an email, I’ll tell you what to do instead.

 

Don’t get me wrong squatting and doing lunges are very functional moves. And doing some of this is good. But not 6 days a week and not always past a 90 degree angle in your knees when you have a tendency to build big thighs but you want a trimmer thigh look.

 

So if you want to trim your thighs – stop doing so much step aerobics and spinning classes. Instead of 6 times a week, do each one time a week. Remember the other body pump class and/or butt and gut class you take too. Except for a class or two per week, you should not exercise in the gym, more than 35 minutes each time you’re there. Do some full-body, resistance training-circuit training and walk the treadmill for relaxation and some calorie burn and accept that’s what it’s for, for you. Keep in mind, stress (cortisol surges) you create worrying about working out and working out too hard, work against you too.

 

And MOST important in this weight gain/weight loss rollercoaster, you absolutely must know your “magic caloric number”. Don’t be fooled into thinking that calories don’t matter.  

========================

I ask you these questions:

 

What do you want to accomplish?

Do you want to fit into certain pants?

Do you want to get fit?

Do you want to get smaller?

Do you want to lose weight?

Do you want to train for a competitive event (even if the competition is your personal best)?

 

Did you know?

  • You don’t have to exercise to lose weight.
  • If you are 45-55 y.o. and female, this is a very challenging time to lose weight. But it’s not impossible.
  • Also, you MUST individualize your eating and exercise rituals.
  • Being on certain medications fight your efforts to lose weight.
  • Men who lose inches in their belly, gain inches some where else.
  • Previous injury limits your success (subconsciously) too.
  • Mondays are heart attack day.
  • Muscles are cabinet space for your food.
  • Losing large amounts of weight is commendable BUT – At a certain point of calorie restriction, your body fights your weight loss (hunger hormone & hormones rule) and wants to get back to the weight you started at (set-point theory) and then some. (what to do to avoid this) 
  • Certain exercise makes you hungrier
  • Some people do well with support; some do not (which are you?)
  • Weight maintenance is really “weight cycling” (gaining 10, losing 8; gaining 20, losing 22…) and CCRAN specializes in stopping this.
  • 30lbs. is a lot of weight. Just enough to work hard at and get visible and feel good results; but not so much that your body starts cascading back to obesity* like those Biggest Loser contestants.

These are the types of topics we will discuss on our call-in show. I hope you will CALL-IN and listen, laugh and learn something to help your 30lb. or less weight loss and help you to “zip your pants” again!

*If you have more than 30lbs. you want to lose, please consider all the other qualified people out there who can help you. There are many!

 

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C.C.R.A.N. and the end of the weight gain-diet rollercoaster

C.C.R.A.N. and the end of the weight gain / diet rollercoaster

 

fruit.cake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was at a graduation party this past weekend and I didn’t eat much. So when it was announced that the “desserts” were ready… I just had to look.

 

I had no guilt about having a piece or two of different desserts from this smorgasboard of 12 types of desserts.

 

As I get my piece of cheesecake, the man standing next to me goes for the fresh fruit. I said, “Wow there’s a lot to choose from”.

 

He said, “Yeah, but I have to refrain. I’m on what’s called the ‘Paleo Diet’, ever heard of it? And I can only have fruit, no cakes, pies, cookies, brownies, etc…”

 

I didn’t have the heart to tell him, I was on it (Paleo Diet) about 7 years ago.  I just said, “Yeah, I guess there were no funnel cakes or cheesecake in Paleolithic time…”

 

What happened next is what makes me crazy…

 

He preceded to proudly load up his plate/large bowl with about 4 or 5 ladel size spoonfuls of fruit, I kid you not. (Don’t get me wrong fresh fruit is great. And I realize that for some people if they have just a bite of chocolate cake… it’s like their “food crack” and it’s all over. All kinds of hormones surge and they can’t stop until they have cake coming out of their ears.
But that’s precisely my point… don’t you want control over that? How long can you keep eating fresh fruit instead of a taste of chocolate cake?
)

 

All I could think when he was loading his plate of with a bowling ball size of fruit was, for goodness sake, why don’t you just have a cookie or a scoop of ice cream.

 

I try to imagine how big his stomach had to expand to accommodate all that fruit. Nevermind what he had already ate for dinner.

 

He had no idea of his calorie intake or even cared for that matter.

 

All that mattered was that he was on “The Paleo Diet” and all he could eat from the dessert table was fruit. But did he have to eat all of it?

 

I wonder how long he will last on this diet because if he’s taking in more calories than he burns, it doesn’t matter what diet he’s on… he won’t lose weight… right?!

 

Then it’s bye, bye diet.

 

Hello weight gain.

 

The dreaded diet rollercoaster.

 

That’s why I LOVE C.C.R.A.N. (Calorie Cycling & Restriction Adequate Nutrition)

 

It doesn’t feel like a diet. It’s a combination of restricting calories, I like to call it “intermittent eating”, and just when I start to feel like the restriction is effecting my daily duties (like no energy to exercise, mentally not focusing, tiredness and irritability), I cycle my calories and eat more. I eat what I want. But that doesn’t mean I eat like it’s my last meal either. I know my body.

 

The food is usually adequately nourishing. Sometimes it’s very healthy and other times it’s shit. But I am never gluttonous.

 

I managed to keep my 30lb. weightloss off for over a year now (after years of being up and down on the weight gain / diet rollercoaster) AND I never feel like I am on a diet! WOOHOO!
(You can check out my weight gain and weight loss pics HERE.)

 

You can do this too. You need a lifestyle eating/exercise plan for you… NOT just a diet. We can help you discover your “diet lifestyle/exercise plan”.

 

CCRAN is a lifestyle.

 

Paleo Diet is a temporary diet (for most people).

 

They can’t wait to have pancakes or pasta!!!

 

I also have a secret weapon.
You have to find yours. For some it’s a personal trainer or surgery or a competition or a pill or prayer.  This is very personal and I believe we all need some help, especially in the beginning of doing something.

 

Now you may have started and lost and gained many pounds on diets before (in my case up to 30lbs.), but I want you to look at this as something new to you, your new beginning, in that your intention is to lose up to 30lbs. and KEEP IT OFF! That’s it.

 

You’re learning how to keep it off, before you actually lose it.

 

Crazy, I know.

 

Get off that weight gain – diet rollercoaster and check out how to become a CCRANNY by CLICKING HERE.

 

Later,

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(Minky, Your 30lb. Weightloss Coach)