That’s my story title, maybe book title one day:
“10 Years a Zombie”
‘Cause that’s about the duration of time that I have NOT been living. I’ve just been existing really. I wasn’t “alive”.
10 years ago, my mother, my confidant, my best buddy and only true friend, dropped dead while exercising on a treadmill.
My mother was a registered nurse. She often said “When you die, you’re dead. Hopefully you won’t suffer and you just drop dead. That’s what I want.”
Well mom, you got your wish.
But what about me? You robbed me of the chance to take care of you.
I miss you so much.
I’m useless as a nurse if I can’t take care of my own mother.
Well that’s what I thought.
I was wrong…
I’m useless as a nurse because, I don’t give a damn about my patients… and I never did.
Were you expecting something else?
After a year of struggling with trying to find where me and my “nursing” fit in to my life, I realize it doesn’t.
I finally let go of trying to be like my mother and please her. (Don’t get me wrong, I love nurses; I love my mother – who was a “true nurse”)
I was a “fake nurse”. An imposter.
How do I know?
For one, I’m not “warm & fuzzy”. Ever. In a “caring” profession, I said “I don’t care” too many times to count.
Because I was called “unprofessional”, (a number of times), I got written up many times, never fired but asked to resign. I laughed when others were serious and my jokes and/or sarcasm didn’t sit right with “suit nurses” and other supervisors.
I did some “unethical things”, like smoked with the patients (not psych) and stole toilet paper and Ensure. I also “called out” from work without any regard to my co-workers/patients. Especially if I had an audition… nursing was not my calling. Way too many rules. And that whole “lives are at stake” mentality was too serious for me.
But my calling was not being a personal trainer/group exercise instructor, a health educator, professional “corporate” speaker, copywriter, massage therapist, kind of (no formal training, if you know what I mean), diet counselor, waitress, educator, sales for a high-end dating service way before ‘Tinder’ and other sales jobs for too many companies to mention here.
What was always there… being a comedian. A story teller. A game show host. (behind the scenes I had cool people “dying” from laughter)
That’s me. I see life as funny, a story, a game. No apologies.
Now I just have to monetize this.
I’m working on that now. Coming out of my 10-year-Zombie-phase has taken me around the block in a convoluted way. But, now that I see the light, the light for the road I need to travel, I wasted enough time and so here goes…
I’m just going to do what I want.
Be who I am and help those folks who get me, laugh and learn.
That’s all I can do. Be happy at no cost!
Be a professional misfit and be proud. I know I am not alone.
To be continued…
(In the meantime, why not opt-in to my list? We are preparing for our new game show, “Fun Story Short”. Maybe you want to be a contestant or just eavesdrop on us or just read more shit from me. Upper right, go ahead, I dare you.)